Happy Valentine’s Day! Today we’re blogging as part of the LOVE SPARKS BLOGGING FESTIVAL. Take a heart-filled meander over at allislistening.com for a parade of bloggers and coaches and thinkers expounding on our favorite subject: love.
“Playing Games” in relationships
Do you abhor game playing in relationships? I recently reflected with a client how he was investing a lot more in the relationship than the woman he was interested in. I wondered if she would be more responsive if he eased off of his full-on pursuit. He replied with some annoyance that he wasn’t interested in playing games.
For the love of balance
Now, I ask you: Is making sure that there’s a balance of give and take in a relationship “playing a game?”
What happens if there’s more give on one side than the other? Or, conversely, more take on one side than the other? Can you see how unbalanced a relationship can become?
And when a relationship is unbalanced, all hell can break loose, starting with anger and resentment, quickly progressing to passive-aggressive behavior and lost dreams.
There’s only so much space to fill
Get it? So, imagine this: Two people standing face to face to face. Now, imagine one person moving forward into the other’s space (maybe with intense attention or focus, continual generous offers, constant physical presence or unrelenting gestures of affection, etc.). If one person is taking all or most of the space, where is the other going to move? So, what this can look like is one partner consistently making sure that dates are scheduled ahead of time (“If I don’t do that, getting together won’t happen,” or, “If I don’t do it, my calendar will get scheduled, then when she does want to see me, I’ll be busy.”) Or, one partner is always doing the driving to the other’s house; not vice versa. Or one party is always initiating contact and the other is less available…
But, what if…there was an equal amount of moving forward, moving back, and moving together? Like a wonderfully choreographed dance, that happens organically and gracefully. And what if, when one partner finds they are doing most of the moving forward, they would breathe and move back to give the other space to come forward? Instead of always being the one to initiate calls, take some time off and let the other party initiate for a change.
And if they don’t? Well, that’s pretty important information, isn’t it?
The relationship un-game
So, instead of “playing games,” what if this was considered as “give and take”? One of our cherished principles is “Thriving relationship is constituted by rich mutual exchange.” Here’s to more of that!
